I am tired of being tired.
People say it's because I'm always doing so much, but doing fun stuff energizes me. It's the worrying I find tiring, not the doing. It's the beating my head against the fundraising wall, it's calling and calling and calling to get theaters to read my submissions, it's the Sisyphean task of "It's not that kind of mime," having almost every conversation being on some level about the business or expectations or not having done enough, it's climate change and Capitalism and a future that looks like a horror show because the people who are in positions of power are either in denial or using fear to misdirect people from possible change to obedience, it's people who don't get it but insist they do get it who then take it upon themselves to tell everyone there is nothing to be gotten, it's stupid and insipid rising like rotten cream to the top, and it's people who think fatalism is the cool answer. It's powerless Progressives being blamed for all the bullshit Moderates and Conservatives have foisted upon The City, it's the propaganda war against Reason, the rising theocracy, the enforced stupidity of anti-Wokeness, the acceptance of censorship, the degradation of civil rights, it's every idiot asshole who says they are a Social Liberal but a Fiscal Conservative because they don't know how things work but they want to sound nice and smart when they are actually neither, it's mindless city dwellers saying they are environmentalists but convinced they need SUVs, and workers saying they are middle class and worshipping the Rich, but mostly it's the acceptance of things getting worse for most and better for a very, very few. I am tired of so much, and need to find time for some existential nap before I snap.
I mean - snap more.
And I know I am far from alone in seeing the fuckedupedness, and feeling the frustration of the tide of things, but damn.
This shit is exhausting.